Getting a Grip on my needs....

These past few weeks have been filled with a ton of Anxiety for me. I'm not sure what spurred it, but it kinda spiraled out of control last week, where I finally realized it was time for me to buck up and deal with things.

I'm that girl who always had a handle on everything. In every sense of the word, my life was always about completing tasks, moving onto the next thing... always bigger and better in every sense of the word. The past 7 years have been a  whirlwind ... and now have calmly settled into a rut that I am completely uncomfortable with.

without delving into a synopsis of life taking off over the past 10 years... I've come to realize that at this point of my life, the very present, I am standing where I wished I could always be. A wife with a loving husband, 2 beautiful kids, a career and a life to be proud of. Sure, I am constantly juggling things, constantly trying to keep it altogether... But I am standing at the edge of all I ever wanted to achieve in life and its scary!! Its been move after move, job change,kiddos, health issues, finances, stress, STRESS, STRESS.  and now, the storm has settled and I dont know what comes next!!

Ive learned Ive been replacing the stress with new stress and not ever really closing up on the initial factor. Ive let worry consume me, which has taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. I've dropped every extra extra-curricular activity to accommodate for our life here in TX, including any free time or splurge on myself. While I'm happy to trade in my Nordstrom shopping spree's for Carter's Outlet, I found myself spiraling rapidly down to not really knowing who I was anymore.

Yes. 100% I am Colton and Ryley's mother. That supersedes everything in my opinion. I can't stand it when mom's say " oh I've lost my identity" pretty much because I'm in my mid 30's and I don't believe we really "find"ourselves til now. Yes, gone are the days of pulling all nighters only to party all weekend long. Gone are the days where I could work double shifts and overnights and walk away with a mad bankroll too. I like to think of it as a priority shift. I'd take many a sleepless holding my babies tight, over coming home to an empty house dreaming of the day I could be called mom.

Thing is though... I finally admit that I need time for me in order to be 100% effective. My kids are now at an age where its "time"  to get back on track and be KELLY again. My husband and I have been waiting for this day for a while and as hard as it is  to say they are growing up, we are very so excited to have time for "us" again.  (*note to all mom's of one and heading for 2... enjoy the time you have alone with your 1st now... because once the new baby is out of the infant seat... it is hard to get anywhere!!)

My point is, I've finally found the road I need to take next in order to keep from becoming unglued. In order for me to be Nurse by day, mom by night and still perform miracles and magic... I have made peace with the fact that what I think makes me happy, wont actually be effective unless I AM HAPPY.  I need a creative outlet, a physical one too. I need time to myself after saving the world all day. I need time with God too. Im putting it to rest that needs equate to selfishness, and forging on in 2011 NEEDING things so I can be healthy for my Husband and for my family...

Im telling you-- mark my words... this is gonna be the best year yet!!